Blow job while taking a shit

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Blow job while taking a shit

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Frenemy has a family tragedy. Getting a blowjob while sitting on the toilet taking a shit. Dude she was so ugly and fucked up I probably could've gotten a blumpkin.

When you are taking a shit while receiving a blowjob. She gave me a Blumpkin while I had diarrhea. The delicately balanced art of getting your cock sucked while taking a dump.

Morty made frequent trips to the office restroom, but never when the janitor who calls Costa Rica is there, because that janitor like to give Blumpkins.

Receiving a Blow Job while taking a shit. If done to perfection, than you will die. If both cum and shit excape your body at the same time, then yes you die.

If you dont believe me try and find someone who has. There are no examples for a Blumpkin. Everyones dead. This is universal, I can't believe it wasn't in here before!

Eee-o eleven UrbDic It was fun! But also exhausting! If you're not someone who regularly uses that stuff and only busts it out on birthdays and national holidays, it can get a little tiring.

And I'm not just talking physically. Thinking of new ways to use feather dusters is mentally taxing! At this point, I was getting ready to bring back the blow jobs just so I could put away the costume closet.

In our final week of no blow jobs, I was settling into this new way of life. It's like when you have a favorite restaurant and it closes and it's sad and strange at first, but after some time, you move on, and you're able to just look back at it fondly.

That's where I was with blow jobs. My husband? Not so much. He jokingly? Then, just like that, the month was over. The restaurant was revived, if you will, and I was there at the grand opening to cut the ribbon and blow the ding-dong.

And you know what? It was kind of fun! Don't get me wrong, I wasn't jumping up and down a penis was in my mouth; the physics made it impossible but I wasn't quite as bummed as I thought I would be.

I did feel like I had to give slightly more frequent blow jobs for a little while, but that was totally on me. I just felt bad for making him always suffer for my art!

Plus, my husband was beside himself ecstatic and goddammit, I'm a sucker for that little BJ-loving freak. Email Krista! United States. Type keyword s to search.

Today's Top Stories. On with the show! This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses.

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My husband on the other hand? Well, let's just say he wasn't in love with the idea. Probably something really bad. The first couple of days were cake because I did all sorts of sexual acrobatics to distract him.

And by sexual acrobatics, I mean I tricked him into cooking an enormous, elaborate dinner together, and then we were both too full and too tired to even think about sex.

Then I kept the momentum going by breaking out the actual sexual acrobatics I'd give you details but I don't want to blow your mind read: I think I got on top once?

We made it! The second week was pretty much more of the same, but it was getting a little weird.

One time, I forgot about the challenge and started to head downtown to ding-dong town but as soon as my mouth got close to the goods, something turned on in my brain and I jerked back.

I don't do this anymore! And then my husband reminded me that I don't do this for a month , and I told him we'd talk about it later. And then we were both in kind of a bad mood and so we just stopped sexing and read in bed until we passed out from frustration.

The next morning, there was a little frostiness between us, but it wasn't the same as when you go through periods where you don't have sex for like a week and there's that weird tension.

This was the only time the lack of BJs in the bedroom really affected our relationship outside the bedroom at all, which I take as a sign that I married the right person.

But here's when I started to notice that if you take something out of your sexual routine, it kind of throws the whole thing off. It felt like something was missing.

Like when you watch One Direction without Zayn and then you also stop sticking your partner's dick in your mouth.

It's not bad per se , but it's not percent right. The next week, we decided to incorporate some things into our sex life that we don't do or use regularly to fill the blow job void.

We explored new fantasies, role-play, bolsters, butt plugs, Bikram, you name it. It was fun! But also exhausting!

If you're not someone who regularly uses that stuff and only busts it out on birthdays and national holidays, it can get a little tiring.

And I'm not just talking physically. Thinking of new ways to use feather dusters is mentally taxing! At this point, I was getting ready to bring back the blow jobs just so I could put away the costume closet.

In our final week of no blow jobs, I was settling into this new way of life. It's like when you have a favorite restaurant and it closes and it's sad and strange at first, but after some time, you move on, and you're able to just look back at it fondly.

While the lubrication makes things easier and feels better for them , it's not ideal to feel like you need to take a breather in the midst of oral sex.

This problem applies to both men and women, because anyone can have poor hygiene. But picture this: You're hooking up with someone who just got back from the gym, and whoops they forgot to shower.

Especially if they happen to be uncut, which leads me to my next point I apologize for using such a disgusting word, but it needed to be said.

While smegma occurs in men and women, the buildup of shed skin cells and oils are most common in people who are uncut, because dirt can get easily trapped under the foreskin.

For uncircumcised people, genital hygiene is imperative; unfortunately, some simply don't take this to heart. I've gone down on more than one uncut penis that straight-up reeked.

For the love of all that is holy, please make an effort to clean yourself; I promise I'll return the favor. If you're talented in the deep-throating department, this may not apply to you.

For those of us with a gag reflex, however, blow jobs can be tricky. If you're overly ambitious and try to take a penis too far into your mouth, especially for a long period of time, you might find yourself making some less-than-sexy gagging noises.

Some people might be into this, but for the person giving the blow job, it feels pretty terrible to choke and have tears streaming down our faces because our gag reflexes are protesting our choices.

Both options are equally unappealing in their own way. While spitting affords you the luxury of not having to feel semen sliding down your throat, it also requires you to get up, mouth full, and find a trash receptacle to spit it into.

You still have to taste the semen, so you might as well swallow it. But, understandably, that grosses some women out even more.

Warnings are mandatory, people. Even if you know I like to swallow, it's always helpful to have some sort of indicator as to when I can expect to have my mouth suddenly full of semen.

It's also a necessary gesture because some women and men don't like to have you finish in their mouth. If you're getting close to orgasm, please just ask, "Where do you want me to finish?

Honestly, nothing enrages me more than when I'm going down on someone and they decide it would be fun to hold onto my head and thrust into my mouth.

For one thing, it's likely that I'll start choking or gagging, which is never a pleasant surprise. For another, it's extremely rude to be so forceful with someone for your own pleasure, unless the two of you had previously communicated about this.

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